Olympics Live Blog: Day 1

7:00 PM, CST: This is something of an experiment- I don't know how well it's going to work, so if it sucks, I'm sorry and it's entirely possible that you'll never see this again for the rest of Olympics and beyond. But basically, it's Saturday night, I've exhausted my stock of Stargate: Atlantis episodes and the first round of live coverage from the Olympics is about to begin. I'm going to attempt to blog it and be entertaining to boot. Will any of you few, you happy few that read this care? That's totally up to you.

7:05 PM: People are still talking about an apparently knife attack on the relatives of the US Men's Volleyball Coach- one dead, one in critical condition- and the attacker committed suicide. Bob Costas is doing his meandering fluff from Tiananmen Square with Tai-Chi masters in the background... noting the uncertainty of getting permission to do live transmissions from Tiananmen Square- obviously a moot point since Bob is live.

7:07 PM: Ah, the inspiring story/sports montage about Michael Phelps. We get it. He wants to win more golds, be the best blah, blah, blah. One of my biggest complaints about US Olympic coverage is the amount of time they spend on fluff like this, but I suppose it's inevitable to a certain degree. And it's kind of interesting in small doses.

7:11 PM: Men's Gymnastics underway. The qualification for the team competition anyway- the buzz, per the NBC commentators is China, Japan and who knows who. The US Team lost the Hamm Brothers and Joey Cheek, I believe, so who knows what they can do- and Germany is hanging in the wings. This should be interesting, given China's apparent propensity at choking. I find gymnastics, like strippers, somewhat fascinating, because it's people doing things on various apparat-i that seem truly ridiculous and even a little dangerous.

7:26 PM: They're doing rings right now. I think rings are kind of boring personally. Rings and floor exercise for Men's Gymnastics are really boring. Floor exercise is a bit more fun for women's gymnastics because they wave ribbons and crap- but for men- come to think of it, do the men even do floor routines? I don't know. But rings are just slow and boring. Bring on the pommel horse, that's what I say! Running at a sprint towards something very hard- that's excitement.

7:33 PM: Done with rings- onto the high bar. It's kind of fun.

7:36 PM: Jonathan Morton of the US Team just did a pretty bad ass routine on the high bar. Double pump releases- whatever they are, they look cool and a triple twist dismount- and he's been followed by some one else who's making like a badass on the high bar. These guys are nuts. Justin Spring! That's the guy...

7:51 PM: Just had a horrific JC Penny Commercial assault my eyeballs that I think was meant to be an homage of some kind to The Breakfast Club, but instead totally missed the point of the movie- it's not about everyone wearing the same, 'I'm going to a fraternity' type clothing. It's about celebrating differences. Would that any were visible amongst the carefully coiffed teens.

7:56 PM: Inspirational fluff time- and maybe some actual live coverage, as the gymnastics were tape delayed so that Bob Costas could get from Tiananmen Square back to the booth. Inspirational fluff on Dara Torres, 41 year old Mom and 5 time Olympian who's back for another shot at Gold in Beijing. Ok- this fluff is kind of cool. There's a little more to the story than 'he works hard, is competitive and wants to win a buttload of medals.' This, I'll allow. In small doses.

7:59 PM: So, since she's 41, people have been raising questions about Dara Torres and doping- but not only has she denied, she tested up the wazoo- and had her blood stored in case future tests are developed. Now that's a higher standard and a half.

8:04 PM: Beach volleyball time. Misty May Tranor and Kerri Walsh begin their gold medal defense life. They're dominant and ass-kicking- 18 tournament wins, 101 wins in a row, they should clean up. But beach volleyball, someday I might get into it- and Lord knows it holds my attention better than actual volleyball, but like I said. I might get into it- but not today. Back soon.

8:52 PM: China's Men are at it in the gymnastics and if any team is under pressure at these games, it's them. Much has been made of China's dominance in the world of gymnastics, but much has also been made of their infamy in choking when the chips are down, as they did in Athens, losing the gold to the Japanese team. So far, so good.

8:53 PM: Japan on the high bars- and it's just sort of mind blowing. I'm kind of jealous- wish I had upper body strength. And some of the stuff these guys do is just nuts- even if I had the upper body strength, I'm damn sure I'd probably hurt myself badly if I attempted any of this.

9:04 PM: Swimming. Phelps is up for the 400m IM. I think it was Sydney that really turned me on to swimming- I'd never really given it much of a thought before that, but now it's turned into one of the banner events of the Olympics. Henry Kissinger, the President and a huge-ass amount of cameras are gonna watch Phelps and Lochte do their respective things.

Phelps is favorite- anticipated to duel with Ryan Lochte, the other American. A Hungarian, Italian, Canadian all in the mix. Laszlo Czeh, the other Hungarian in the mix won the Bronze in Athens. Another Italian and... a Brazilian. We're set.

And we're off- Cseh is ahead on the first touch, but Phelps is in the mix still. Phelps pulling ahead now.

Backstroke now- Lochte is pulling up and the field is separating. LOCHTE with the lead on the third touch- under world record time. Cseh and Phelps still with him.

Breaststroke now- Phelps ahead again- though Phelps, if he has a weakness, it's probably the breaststrike. Damn. 1.19 off world record time. Phelps is going, going, going... Lochte and Phelps dueling.

Freestyle and Phelps rocketing away. 1.40 off world record time. Lochte and Cseh battling for 2nd and 3rd. Damn, damn, damn! 1.94 off world record time. This is NUTS.

GOLD MEDAL PHELPS! And a world record to boot, shattering his old world record by almost two seconds. Cseh and Lochte were 2nd and 3rd respectively. Phelps is off to an amazing start.

9:17 PM: 100 M Fly Women's Prelims... British swimmer in Lane 1, Lowe. Trickett from Australia is looking strong and a couple of Americans in the mix.

9:22 PM: Second semi for the 100 M Fly final for the Women. The hometown crowd is making some noise for Zhou Yafei, the Chinese representative in this semi. The Aussies are representing with Jessica Schipper. Denmark, Brazil, Russia, a few others in the mix.

Zhou ahead at the first turn, but Schipper is pushing hard. Schipper, Zhou, Dekker of the Netherlands go 1,2,3.

9:27 PM: Men's 400M Free Final. Tunisia, Australia, South Korea, USA, China, Russia, USA and Russia in the mix. Tunisia, Grant Hackett of the Aussies, Park Tae-Hwan of Korea and Jensen of the USA all ones to watch.

Hackett ahead on the first touch. And the second touch. Well away from the world record- which might be Ian Thorpe's forever, really, since it's been out of reach so far. Pretty wide open at this point.

Park of Korea ahead on the third touch. And the fourth. This race is wide open still though- no one's really made a break for it yet, but Park, Hackett and the Americans all still in it.

Park is pulling away, Hackett in second. The Americans have to make a move now if they want a medal, but they're still in it.

Park still ahead. Jensen coming up fast...

GOLD MEDAL PARK! ZHANG TAKES SECOND! JENSEN BRONZE! Wow, that was a close race- China has never won a medal in men's swimming. Park got the first medal for swimming for Korea and it was gold. Jensen snuck in for bronze. Kind of incredible because Park Tae-Hwan actually was DQ'd at Athens for falling into the water- he was 14 at the time and he came back to win a gold 4 years later. How's that for redemption?

9:49 PM: Women's 400M IM final... Katie Hoff of the USA the one to watch, but Kirsty Coventry of Zimbabwe is in the mix, always dangerous. A Russian, an Italian, Elizabeth Beisel of the USA, a young gun for the US Swim Team- first time Olympian. Stephanie Rice of Australia another big name to watch- and Li Xuanxu of China in Lane 7, more love for the hometown crowd. And a Brit! Hannah Miley of the UK in the last lane.

And they're off. Rice of Australia out ahead after the first touch- Kristy Coventry and Hoff in the mix after the second touch.

Coventry and Rice coming up together, pulling away from Hoff, Beisel and company. Coventry ahead now- 3 seconds under world record time! But Rice and Coventry dueling hard but with Hoff moving hard and still on world record pace.

Stephanie Rice and Coventry are both ahead of World Record pace and Hoff is in 3rd. Coventry is rockin' hard. But it's tightening up.

RICE WINS GOLD! COVENTRY SILVER! HOFF BRONZE! The World Record was just obliterated by both Coventry and Rice- Rice taking it down by a 1.5 second at least. A gold for the Aussie and Kristy Coventry of Zimbabwe snuck in for the silver- down in lane 1 no one even noticed her, really and she was crazy hardcore. Stephanie Rice was just the first to break 4.30 in the 400 IM.

10:26 PM: More gymnastics- China is looking hardcore- and some Chinese guy who just went on vault did this crazy difficult jump that he invented himself. Consider that for a just a minute- vault is the one where you run at high speed at a hard object and flip over it. This guy saw what all the other guys were doing and decided to make something up. I don't even know how you would go about doing that. Trial and error? Wouldn't that hurt, potentially? Incredible stuff though. China is looking good.

10:31 PM: Dara Torres and the 4x100 Free relay. Torres will be anchoring the relay... China, France, Canada, the US- China is a surprise for the hometown crowd. Germany, the Netherlands- the current world record holders, the Aussies and the British!

This race is apparently a bit of a muddle per the commentators, I guess the prelims were kind of messy. China is a surprise- but I think the Americans and the Aussie should be in the mix. But you can't count out the Germans or the Dutch- and they have the lead at the second leg.

Germany and the Netherlands are dueling now in the third leg. The Americans are close though- no clue where the Aussies are, but it looks pretty open still.

Final LEG! Torres is close but the Dutch have the lead and Torres is closing! Here come the Aussies though!

Netherlands, USA, Australia! But a new American record for Dara Torres and went 52.4 in the last split at 41 years old.

10:42 PM: I think they're going back to gymnastics and inspirational fluff for the last twenty minutes, so I think I'm going to sign off and end the great experiment on its first day. Looking at the full extent of this, my first serious attempt to live blog anything, I've decided I must be slightly cracked or have way too much time on my hands. Given that Ali is home for the weekend, that's probably not too far off the truth, but seriously. I don't know how people can do this and somehow be entertaining, because I felt like I meandered on too long and just wasn't entertaining. I suppose if someone tells me that it rocked their world I might attempt another shot at it- but while the experiment was fun, it's time to bring it to an end and admit defeat. So, signing off. Good night.